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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052964">Please don't let me hit the ground</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandalcohol/pseuds/cigarettesandalcohol'>cigarettesandalcohol</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Men's Football RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Angst, Anxiety, M/M, What Have I Done</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:13:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandalcohol/pseuds/cigarettesandalcohol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>No, I've never met anyone quite like you before.</em>
  <br/>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Noble/Declan Rice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Please don't let me hit the ground</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title and summary taken from New Order's song "Temptation".</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn't like admitting it but there's a sting of jealousy watching Dec with the boys, listening to him talking about his England debut and the other lads from <em>that</em> team, the team he himself never had. He's not jealous, God no, not in a bad way of <em>not wanting</em> this for Declan - it just hurts knowing this is the life and the future for Declan, and he is not there. He worries for him and feels almost like an overprotective parent watching their kid leaving the house on the first day of school when Declan goes away for the international break. The gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness always creeps in then, especially when he knows Declan is having a great time with his other friends over there.</p><p><em>An old head on young shoulders,</em> that's what everyone always said about him. Now it's just an old head on old shoulders. He can still put in the shift and do his job, although there aren't nearly as many minutes in the game for him as used to be. As long as he's surrounded by the teammates, he still feels young and good enough to be part of the team. It's only after everyone leaves, either after a game during the break when the anxiety catches up with him. </p><p>Even when he's alone with Declan, he can't stop the intrusive thoughts. He's always been like that. All the managers have praised his intelligence and thinking on the pitch without knowing the rest of it, the way he thinks<em> off the pitch</em>, and how many times he's had almost sleepless nights because of his brain working in overdrive. Declan's laughter proved to be an almost magical cure that could at least for a while ease his mind with its infectiousness, and nothing else seemed to work anymore. Sometimes, even the laughter and the small wrinkles around Dec's eyes and the way he tilts his head when laughing triggered a train of thoughts that weren't right for the moment. <em>He's a kid, he's just a kid who loves football and wants to be good at it, who looks up to you and admires you</em> - There was always some guilt in that. </p><p>(Dec kissed him first though).</p><p>When Moyes told Rice to learn from Mark Noble, he surely didn't mean it this way.</p><p>(He kissed him and looked away, blushing, looking more like a five year old kissing his kindergarten crush than a young adult. It left Mark speechless for a while, unsure whether it just happened or not because it felt surreal. And Declan started apologizing as if he did it by accident).</p><p>He's not sure if there's any other way of showing his love and support than this because he's never wanted to show his love and respect <em>this much</em> to anyone before. So he looks after Declan the most, occasionally gives him a lift home, and constantly oversteps the line between friends and something more but in a subtle manner that confuses him; and he's sure it does Declan as well. However when Dec leans in for a kiss instead of saying 'thank you', he stops him.</p><p>"I don't want you to regret this."</p><p>Dec looks puzzled for a moment, his brows furrowing. "What?"</p><p>
  <em>I don't want you to regret doing this. I don't want you to look back with disgust, I don't want you to feel like I've used you, I don't want you to laugh at me for being an old fool for falling in love, I don't want you to feel like you must do this, I don't want you to feel obliged to kiss me, I don't want you to get used to it because you might regret getting yourself in this position. I don't want to push you into this, even when it's you making the first steps -</em>
</p><p>The little voice in his head was always there. <em>A young player just getting through to the first team. Nineteen, twenty years old. Jesus Christ. </em>Get your head out of the gutter, Noble. There is a difference between being protective over a young player during his debut season and waiting, longing for him to call you by your name, having your hand always placed on his back and falling asleep on his shoulder during bus rides, feeling comfortably cozy with his body heat by your side.</p><p>He almost expects Dec to throw a bit of a hissy fit, to say something about him being old and responsible enough to decide what he wants and doesn't want to do but he just shakes his head and reaches out to adjust what was left of Mark's receding hairline and fringe. "How could I?"</p><p>(After the first kiss - and after Dec stopped rambling his mumbled apologies - Mark asked him a simple question. <em>Why</em>? Declan looked like a kicked puppy. <em>I've wanted to do this for so long</em>. Then there was another quiet <em>Why</em>? and Deccers' apologetic <em>I don't know</em>).</p><p>They never named it. It was something special, something shared just between them, it didn't have a name and there was no way to explain it. But it was always there with them, during training sessions when Declan caught Nobes watching him fondly with <em>this</em> kind of sparkle in his eyes,  or when their eyes locked all the way across the dressing room. </p><p>One day he'll leave. He'll write a message, "<em>I have something important to say</em>" and then it will be over. Nobes looks in Deccers' eyes and although he can't see anything beyond adoration, his heart sinks a little. The boy will go places. He's had teammates he cared about, teammates who were an integral part of his own goddamn life but never <em>like this</em> - and they all left in the end. It was always him, <em>Mr. West Ham</em>, staying. Maybe he's being selfish. Maybe he doesn't care about Dec's decisions and just wants to save himself the pain of Dec eventually leaving.</p><p><em>"Mark." </em>The softness contained in the simple name and the way Dec almost just breathed it out as a whisper sent shivers down Nobes' spine. "You're overthinking it."</p><p>He would love to be able to stop it but the thoughts are always there, after every kiss, every touch, after every goddamn smile that Declan gives him. Each time Declan adjusts the captain's armband to his with almost pious devotion, the niggling pain is there in his chest. <em>How much longer can it be like that?</em></p><p>It's always up to Deccers to cup the older player's face with his hands and caress his skin with the pads of his fingers which is usually enough to break Nobes' resistance.</p><p>And he gives in to his feelings, mirroring Dec's moves and sliding his hand in the younger boy's hair, kissing him hungrily, knowing that tomorrow there will be more regret and anxiety waiting to kick in.</p>
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